Changes

I am so very blessed to have been able to nurse all 3 of my kids.  I still don't know how I ever made the decision to nurse or what drove me to keep up with it for their whole first years.  Nursing comes with so many emotions, joy, pain, stress, humbleness - it's just hard to explain.  Sometimes, as the year comes to an end, I am so over it, and so ready to "just be done with it."  But then, realization sets in that my baby is growing and growing and just doesn't need me in that fashion anymore.  It's sad, but then exciting in a whole other way.

I remember the last time I nursed Ella and I cried and cried.  It was so much more emotional for me to stop than it was for her.  I cried for me and I cried because she didn't.  When I was nursing Mary Catherine, it was different.  I had gotten pregnant with Wesley and my supply started going down.  So, since we were supplementing around 9 or 10 months anyways, I don't remember it being so difficult to stop.

Well the time for Wesley is fast approaching.  For some reason, all of the milk that I froze went bad - guess I didn't store it right.  I learned a little too late of how to freeze it so that he will actually drink it.  In the meantime, I have dumped 350+ ounces of milk - talk about sad and frustrating!!  Anyway, I made the decision to go on a business trip to CA next week and I don't have enough frozen milk to get him thru the week.  Since he is 11 months, I can start him on a little whole milk, but I don't feel good about switching him all the way. 

So, tonight, I gave him his first bottle of formula.  Of course, I convinced myself that he wouldn't take it.  He knows the difference!  And he won't like it!  Well, at first, I thought I was right - he pushed it away.  But after getting him positioned just right, he drank the bottle with no regard that it wasn't "his mommy's milk."  At least I will be at peace next week on my trip that he will drink what is given to him, whether it is my little bit of frozen milk or whether it is formula.  He will be Ok.

As this chapter of my life is narrowing to an end, I am so very thankful I have been able to provide for my children in this way.  I am so very thankful for the bond that I feel like I have with each of them and for all of the quiet, special one-on-one time I have had with each of them.  I look forward to many, many more - just in a new special way.